The Difference Between Acceptance And Tolerance - Acceptance In Therapy And Mental Health
What is the difference between acceptance and tolerance? Are they the same thing?
No. They are very different, but tolerance can easily be mistaken for acceptance. And when practicing acceptance doesn’t seem to be helping someone untangle from their emotions, it can be useful to clarify the difference between acceptance and tolerance.
Acceptance is a very popular and important part of contemporary therapy. Through acceptance, you can learn to handle your thoughts, feelings, and emotions far more effectively. But the concept and application of acceptance is often challenging. And a common mistake is to confuse acceptance with tolerance.
One of my favorite ways of explaining the difference between acceptance and tolerance is the way Dr. Russ Harris puts it.
“There’s a big difference between tolerance and acceptance. Would you want the people you love to tolerate you while you’re present, hoping you’ll soon go away and frequently checking to see if you’ve gone yet? Or would you prefer them to completely and totally accept you as you are with all your flaws and foibles, and to be willing to have you around for as long as you choose to stay?”
Dr. Harris makes it pretty clear what the difference between acceptance and tolerance really is. Tolerance is not true acceptance because when we tolerate something we are still fighting against it. And that takes so much energy, time, and effort. Plus, it’s a losing battle. Something we’ll never win. If we tolerate a painful feeling or thought we’re still engaging with it. We’re telling our minds, our emotions, our anxiety, etc. “I’m willing to have this conversation, tell me what you have to say.”
Acceptance, on the other hand, allows us to let go, disentangle, and start paying attention to the things that really matter to us.