A person cannot even know his time, as fish are caught in a net and as birds are trapped in a snare, so people are caught at the time of calamity, when it comes upon them without warning. (Ecclesiastes 9:12)
Today’s media is filled with reports of terrible tragedies and loss of life. But sometimes the news hits a little closer to home. When scary and unpredictable things happen, the world can feel like a scary and unpredictable place. Especially when it happens to someone we know.
How can we cope with sudden tragic news? What are some ways to manage our feelings and emotions?
Recently, a man I knew was murdered while on a job site. He was survived by a 6 month old baby girl, his wife, parents, siblings, and extended family. There was no known motive or reason behind the crime.
I found myself thinking about this question and noticed my mind searching for an explanation or rationale. I considered that maybe we need stricter gun laws. My mind was trying to protect me and keep me safe. If I knew the cause perhaps I could avoid something like this happening to me.
Unfortunately, the world is a scary and unpredictable place. And sometimes, trying to predict and prevent danger doesn’t allow us to fully connect with and grow from tragedy. We get stuck in an endless loop of reassurance.
My clients all have worries, just like every one of us. Some people worry more than others. One thing I like to tell people is, you’re very worried about X, Y, and Z. But the truth is, you can’t know. Heaven forbid, you or I may walk out of the office, get on the highway and, Bam! It’s over. There is no way to predict the future or have certainty about our safety.
With these thoughts in mind, I return to the questions. How can we cope with sudden tragic news? And what are some ways to manage our feelings and emotions?
The answer lies in the following three words:
- Growth
- Perspective
- Acceptance
Any tragedy is an opportunity for growth. We can channel our fear into positive actions and thought. Instead of feeling overwhelming, a reminder that the world is unpredictable can help us focus on what we would like to accomplish and do.
This is a form of acceptance. I understand that the world is unpredictable. It’s a painful reality, but one that can be empowering too.
Finally, when something truly tragic occurs, many of our problems seem pale in comparison. And this is a rare opportunity to step outside of our issues and worries and gain perspective. Too often we spend so much time with our thoughts and worries that we lose sight of the things that are important to us. This momentary glimpse of truth can help us shift and focus our attention, while accepting that we have far less control over our lives than we would like. And that’s totally ok.